Life After Krisha

It is already two weeks since Krisha left us - 13th day today when according to our customs the mourning period is over and we should get on with our lives. It feels like a lifetime and at times just yesterday.


Since Krisha has been gone, we are spending more time with Kaira. For me it seems like I am getting re-acquainted with my daughter. Past 3 months with going back and forth to the hospital and then having Krisha home I did not realise that my attention had been so slanted.  Initially I was actually nervous and insecure about managing Kaira, not sure if I understood her cues, my mom and Deepak seemed so much more in tune with her.  Strangely even though Krisha was so delicate I never hesitated in handling her, whether she was crying, had to be fed when she did not want to, give her medications, bath etc. I think God really does give you the strength to cope with the challenges he has set for you. 

We call this the double decker picture - Kaira really wanted me to pick her up while i was with Krisha

Since December that we knew about Krishas condition and since she has been born,  our focus was so clear. Our life was in a vacuum and the outside world did not matter. We were busy and content within the family.With both babies home together there was a non stop flurry of activity all day and for me at night too. I had actually mastered the art of feeding them both with the bottle simultaneously so that i did not need to wake up anyone else - God knows how i did that !  All of a sudden it feels empty and having a single child seems to be a cakewalk. For a couple of days I was lost, not knowing how to occupy myself. All of a sudden we are able to get back to things that we normally would do but they still seem so irrelevant.


When something like this happens, you expect the world to stop but it doesn't. It amazes and saddens  me that  life goes on - u still feel hungry, chit chat with people, bills need to be paid, work continues and you can even manage to smile, especially with a baby doll like Kaira with you.


Kaira is our strength and saviour and I am so thankful to God for her. I feel she supported us a lot in her own way by being such a cooperative, easy and happy child.  Since Krisha used to be in my arms most of the time she was home, everyone noticed the forlorn stare Kaira used to give me, and follow me around the room, as if she was telling me that she needed me too. Now she seems to be on a fast track to take double the love and care that we have to offer her. She is doing new things everyday, smiling everyone silly, playing with toys, gurgling and much more.



I know that Krisha will be missed by us everyday of our lives, I wish we could devote something more substantial for her. I feel like getting away, closing my eyes and willing back each and every moment we spent with her. 

Although I will ever stop wishing that I could have raised my twin girls together and there will always be a tiny niggling in the back of mind why it could not have been easier for us, I am still grateful for having Krisha and being able to do what we could do for her. I am thankful to all our family and friends who have been so amazingly supportive and caring towards us and given us more than we could have asked for. I am thankful for  having an amazing husband who has been a pillar of strength and righteousness. So lots to be thankful for and positive in life and Krisha will continue to be our little baby angel, with us every step of the way.